Decisions

And I'm not talking about strollers (although that still needs to be decided)

To fully understand the decision I need to make I'm going to back track a little to when I had DS. When I was in labor and pushing with DS his head was sideways. I tore and then gave me an episiotomy and I think I tore some more. They ended up using a suction/vacuum to help him come out. I ended up with a 4th degree tear - all the way to my rectum including some muscle. Yes - ouch is correct. At 2 weeks pp I went for a check-up and one of my stitches had popped. I was put on bed rest for 2 weeks. It was a pretty painful recovery but I got through it and a year later was even ready for another baby! In the back of my mind I had concerns about tearing like that again but figured I'd bring it up when I was 30+ weeks.

Now fast forward to my 20 week OB appointment. In my practice there are several OBs. Whoever is on-call with deliver your baby. During your pregnancy you rotate through them so you have at least met them once. I had my 20 week appointment with an OB I have met only a handful of times. She brought up my delivery with DS and said that she was giving me the option of an elective c-section. Basically if I have another severe tear I could have urinary and bowel complications in the future such as incontinence. I asked how likely it was that I would have another severe tear and there was no answer. It depends on the size of that baby and position of the head.

So now I'm torn on what to do. Both things scare the hell out of me. I'm going to be working on a set of questions because I didn't have too many at my last appointment. I was more in shock over the whole idea. A c/s scares me because well it's major surgery. I've never had surgery before. There are more risks to myself and to my baby as well. However after having the vaginal birth I did last time I often thought that I would've had an easier time recovering for a c/s than I did with the 4th degree tear. Plus I really really really don't want to deal with incontinence. It's not definite that it'll happen to me but I guess there is an increased chance. Sigh. I have the 24 week appointment tomorrow with an OB I don't know that well. I might ask a few questions but not anything in depth. I plan on making my next appointment with my midwife who I usually see and then the following one with the OB I would want to do the c/s if I take that route. I'm also going to have questions for DS's pediatrician. Luckily I don't need to make the decision today but the days are flying by so I need to figure out what I want to do sooner than later.